What I said about this on Instagram: “Today. A selfie. I’m not really sure why I took this. But I’m posting it because I usually think that photos of me do not look at all like me inside. Somehow, this one feels like actual me. No, I don’t really know what I mean.”
After further reflection, what I think I mean: I remember years ago I got into a mild argument online with a friend about why people tended to use icons on LiveJournal of images other than their own faces. I explained that, for me, I tended to choose images that I thought represented who I was as a person better than my actual face did (or any of my actual outsides), and that being able to represent myself in a way that felt actually truer to me was very freeing, and one of the things I appreciated about communicating with people online. I still feel that way, even though I *do* often now use avatars that are my actual face, mainly for professional reasons. Most of the time, though, I feel pretty poorly represented by my own face, and when I see myself in the mirror or in photographs, the image in front of me generally does not look like the person I actually feel like on the inside. I’m sure I am not alone in this feeling.