Still no internet. Can you see my hands shaking a bit? Paul is still asleep. I should have brought a book or something. I really wasn’t well prepared for this trip at all.
Also, something that is freaking me out. Our hotel (The University Club) has a dress code, which we did not know about until we got here. They haven’t said anything about it, and they have been really nice to us so far, but we don’t have much in the way of clothes that fufill the code. Paul does not have a coat and tie (He has no coat that fits these days. He brought a dress shirt and pants, but that’s the closest), so he can’t fulfill the requirements at all. I have one skirt to wear to the wedding, and khakis and a silk shirt to wear for the rehearsal today, but other than that, it is all jeans and tshirts which are “not permitted at any time” according to this little piece of paper I found in the desk of our room. Now, maybe they don’t enforce this much anymore, now that they accept random people reserving rooms on the internet like we did. The paper was in a drawer, not ON the desk like some other information, and we had no idea ahead of time. I can’t imagine we are the first. We only chose this hotel because it was where the wedding was being held and no more expensive than the other nearby options, so we figured it would be really convenient. Now we’re all nervous though. They gave us coupons for free continental breakfast, but we’re afraid to use them because we aren’t sure they’d let us in with our inappropriate attire. I should have realized from the name that this was a snooty private club sort of place. I wonder how long they have had to stoop to accepting the likes of us here. I suppose they are being hit with the same issues that has so many stores and restaurants in Oakland shutting down. When we walked around yesterday I was shocked. So many empty storefronts. It looks pretty scary out there.
The whole thing is bringing up some of my own personal issues, which is unfair especially as they have been so nice to us. I have a chip on my shoulder about rich people. I have had it as long as I can remember. Discovering myself accidentally placed somewhere that is part of that world has my brain filling up quickly with bitter, ugly thoughts. We don’t belong here. We don’t belong with these people, and I don’t want to. I’m surprised they let us walk in through the front door. Dress codes offend me. I am offended by the concept that in order to be a proper and acceptable human being, one must wear a tie. I despise that type of ettiquite—the type that is really all about who has money (and “breeding”, etc.) and who does not, and has nothing really to do with being kind and polite to our fellow humans. It is snobbery, pure and simple. It is exactly the sort of thing that drove me away from the opera world. I liked the music. I didn’t like the people. I didn’t want to spend my life with them and I didn’t want to become them, which I think can’t be avoided, not really. Argh. I hate feeling this bitterness rising in me. We are here to be happy for Rudy and Amy and not to wallow in personal issues and biases. I have to shake this off.
Maybe I’ll take a shower. Rehearsal is at 1:00. I feel strange and unprepared. I’m worried now that our clothes aren’t nice enough for anything we are doing this whole weekend. Heh. Nothing like a bitterness/insecurity combo to make life a joy.
Okay, I’ve showered. Nothing much has changed except that I remembered that I have my ipod, so now I am writing while listening to XTC.
…and just when I thought that my vista was golden in hue… one thousand umbrellas opened to spoil the view.
ETA: Got internet. Posting. :)